Newsletter 1/16/08
You often see articles on ways to unwind and relax after a stressful day, which I always find useful, but for me the most important advice would be to get to the source of the problem, and cut stress out before it even happens. By careful editing of your life, and changing certain habits, you can eliminate most (not all) sources of stress in your life.
I don't believe that a stress-free life is possible. Stress is a response to challenges in life, and a life without challenges is too boring to contemplate. However, I do believe that most of the stress in our lives is unnecessary, and that it can be eliminated by taking some simple (and some not-so-simple) steps. It can't be accomplished overnight - I've been eliminating stressors in my life for awhile now, and I'm still not done. But I think it's a worthwhile goal.
Let's first take a look at an example - it's a little extreme, but it exemplifies the typical stressors in people's lives. Let's say Fred gets up in the morning, waking up late, and now has to rush to get ready. He's so rushed that he spills his coffee on his shirt and has to change, a nicks himself shaving. He heads out the door and then has to go back in the house because he forgot his wallet. He gets in the car and realizes he forgot his keys.
Now he's on the way in to work and is in the middle of rush-hour traffic - and his temper starts to flare after someone cuts him off. He's honking at people, cursing, and arrives to work late and in a bad mood. He snaps at someone and is surly all morning. His desk is covered in piles of paper, and he can't find that report he needs to work on. His inbox is overflowing and his email notification is going off, and he sees he has 36 messages to respond to. He knows he's late on two projects and his boss isn't happy. He's got to finish 5 tasks before the 11 a.m. meeting, and he's got meetings all afternoon.
You get the idea. His day does not go well, and he hits rush-hour traffic on the way home. He gets home late, exhausted, completely stressed, his mind still on his late and as-yet uncompleted projects, his still-full inbox and email inbox, and all the stuff piling up that he has to work on tomorrow. The house is a mess and he snaps at his family. His kids have not put things away exactly where he told them to put them away, so he begins to yell at them. He has a quick, greasy dinner in front of the TV and zones out before falling asleep late.
Again, this is a bit extreme, but you can see through this illustration some of the things that stress people out. There are many more, of course, and I won't cover all of them here.
But these sources of stress can be eliminated with a little thought.
Here's how:
Identify StressorsThis is the most important step of all, as identifying the things that stress you out in your life is the first step towards eliminating them. Take 10 minutes to think about what stresses you out during the day. What weekly occurrences stress you out? What people, activities, things cause stress in your life? Make a Top 10 list, and see which of them can be eliminated, and start to weed them out. For those that can't, find ways to make them less stressful.
Eliminate Unnecessary CommitmentsI did a post on editing your commitments before - apply those concepts here. We all have many commitments in our life, starting with work but also including commitments related to kids, our spouses, things to do at home, other family, civic, side work, religious, hobbies, online activities and more. Consider each of them, the amount of stress they provide, and the value you get out of them. Edit brutally, and take steps today to remove the ones that stress you out the most.
Procrastination - We all do this, of course. But allowing stuff to pile up will stress us out. Find ways to take care of stuff now (form a Do It Now habit) and keep your inbox and desk clear. See 20 Procrastination Hacks for more ideas.
Disorganization - We're all disorganized to some extent. Even if we've organized something, and created a great system for keeping it that way, things tend to move towards chaos over time. But disorganization stresses us out, in terms of visual clutter, and in making it difficult to find stuff we need. Take time to get things in your life organized, starting with your desk and the papers in your home, and moving on to other areas.
Being Late - Being late always stresses us out. We have to rush to get ready, rush to get there, and stress out the whole time about looking bad and being late. Learn the habit of being early, and this stress disappears. Make a conscious effort to start getting ready earlier, and to leave earlier. This also makes driving less stressful. Time yourself to see how long it actually takes to get ready, and how long it actually takes to get somewhere. You've probably been underestimating these times. Once you know these times, you can plan backwards so that you show up 10 minutes early each time. It's a good feeling.
Controlling - We are not the Master of this Universe. I know we sometimes wish we were, but acting as if we are is a sure way to get stressed out. Trying to control situations and people cannot work, and only serves to increase our anxiety when it doesn't work. Learn to let go, and accept the way that other people do things, and accept what happens in different situations. The only thing you can control is yourself - work on that before you consider trying to control the world. Also learn to separate yourself from tasks and to delegate them. Learning to let go of our need to control others and the situations around us is a major step towards eliminating stress.
Multitasking - Having multiple tasks going on at the same time might seem productive, but in actuality it slows us down from actually focusing on a task and completing it - and it stresses us out in the meantime. Learn to single-task.
Eliminate Energy Drains - If you've analyzed your life (in Step 1) and found things that stress you out, you might have also noticed things that drain your energy. Certain things in our life just cause us to be more exhausted than others, with less value. Identify them, and cut them out. You'll have much more energy and much less stress. Happiness ensues.
Avoid Difficult People - You know who they are. If you take a minute to think about it, you can identify all the people in your life - bosses, coworkers, customers, friends, family, etc. - who make your life more difficult. Now, you could confront them and do battle with them, but that will most certainly be difficult. Just cut them out of your life.
Simplify Life - Simplifying, of course, is a major theme of Zen Habits. Simplify your routines, your commitments, your information intake, your cluttered rooms, the mass of stuff going on in your life - and have less stress as a result. Start with Edit Your Life and then look through the other simplicity articles.
Unschedule - Create more open periods of time in your life. It's not necessary to schedule every minute of our lives. Learn to avoid meetings, keep wide open blocks of time where we either work on our important tasks or batch process the smaller ones. When someone asks to schedule a meeting, first try to get it done through email or phone - if that doesn't work, avoid having it scheduled. Ask them to call you and see if you're free at that time. You will love having an open schedule.
Slow Down - Instead of rushing through life, learn to take things slow. Enjoy your food, enjoy the people around you, enjoy nature. This step alone can save tons of stress.
Help Others - It may sound contradictory to add more tasks to your life by trying to help other people (you've got enough to do), but if you were to add anything to your life, this should be it. Helping others, whether volunteering for a charity organization or just making an effort to be compassionate towards people you meet, not only gives you a very good feeling, it somehow lowers your stress level. Of course, this doesn't work if you try to control others, or help others in a very rushed and frenetic way - learn to take it easy, enjoy yourself, and let things happen, as you work to make the lives of others better.
Relax Throughout The Day - It's important to take mini-breaks during your work day. Stop what you're doing, massage your shoulders and neck and head and hands and arms, get up and stretch, walk around, drink some water. Go outside and appreciate the fresh air and the beautiful sky. Talk to someone you like. Life doesn't have to be all about productivity. You should also avoid using online activity too much as your de-stressing activity - get away from the computer to relax.
Quit Work - This one's drastic, and probably too drastic for most. But in most likelihood, your work is your absolute biggest stressor. Getting out of your 9-to-5, automating your income, and finding something you truly love to do, that you're passionate about, will create a positive life and much less stressful one at that. Give it a little thought before dismissing it - there might be possibilities here you haven't considered.
Simplify Your To-do List - I've written about this before, but attempting to do everything on your long to-do list will definitely stress you out. Learn to simplify your to-do list down to the few essential tasks, and you will enjoy the process much more.
Exercise -This is common advice for stress relief, and that's because it works - but it's also a stress prevention method. Exercising helps relieve the stress buildup, it gives you some quiet time to contemplate and relax, and just as importantly, it makes you more fit. A fitter person is better equipped to handle stress. Another important factor: being unhealthy can be a major stressor (especially once you have to go to the hospital), and exercise can help prevent that.
Eat Healthy - This goes hand-in-hand with exercise as a stress prevention method, of course. Become healthier and a major source of stress will disappear. Also, I've found that greasy food, for me, puts me in a worse mood and can contribute to stress levels immediately.
Be Grateful - This might not be as obvious as some of the others, but developing an attitude of gratitude (I sound like a preacher with that rhyme!) is a way of thinking positive, eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thereby reducing stress. Learn to be grateful for what you have, for the people in your life, and see it as a gift. With this sort of outlook on life, stress will go down and happiness will go up. That's a winning formula.
Zen-like Environment - Take time to declutter your desk (as mentioned above) and even once you do that, continually edit your desk and working space, and the things in your home, until you've created a simple, peaceful, Zen-like environment. It will be much less stressful to work in an environment like that than a more cluttered and distracting one.
~ Leo ~
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
How To Eliminate Your Self-Doubt
Newsletter 1/9/08
Are these familiar dialogues for you: "I don't have the nerve to try that!" or "that's too risky!" or "I'm not sure I can do that" etc? Are you one of those people who always doubt your own ability? Well, you're not alone. A lot of people do not have confidence in themselves. Every change in the normal way of life gets a ton of introspection and most of the time, self-doubt wins and not trying seems safer. However, safe doesn't always mean best; sooner or later you'll get depressed always being stuck on a rut. You have to reduce these self-doubts in order to move ahead.
It will help if you can figure out why you feel wimpy all the time. Is it because of a past mistake that crippled you so much? Are you afraid to end up like someone you knew who took too much risk? Were you told often by authority figures - parents, sibling, teachers or officers - that you don't and can't amount to anything? You've probably heard it so often that you believed it as the universal truth all the time.
Deep down you know it's not true, right? Not all risks will result into failure and you can avoid making the same mistake your friend did. Silence the inner critic in you then. You don't have to listen to past criticisms. Nor should you judge all your other abilities based on a single failure. Instead draw on your strengths and keep them in mind. Granted, it's not going to be easy. But you can take baby steps and not leap into anything that you're not ready for.
Start by cataloging your positives. Take out a sheet of paper and list the things that you know you can do. Fill it up from the whimsical - able to juggle four balls in the air, for example - to the downright great ones like a good grasp of grammar. Look back and try to remember how you learned those skills. Some of them were probably inherited or something that you learned instinctively. But the rest were skills that you got only thru experience. Therefore, you must have tried it before and found out that you can do it. That list becomes physical proof that you are someone who can do something and by the same token, can do a lot more if you can just get out of your safety zone and try something new again.
Banish those self-doubts and see how high you can fly.
Right now. I mean it.
Why are you still here?
~ Jeff ~
Are these familiar dialogues for you: "I don't have the nerve to try that!" or "that's too risky!" or "I'm not sure I can do that" etc? Are you one of those people who always doubt your own ability? Well, you're not alone. A lot of people do not have confidence in themselves. Every change in the normal way of life gets a ton of introspection and most of the time, self-doubt wins and not trying seems safer. However, safe doesn't always mean best; sooner or later you'll get depressed always being stuck on a rut. You have to reduce these self-doubts in order to move ahead.
It will help if you can figure out why you feel wimpy all the time. Is it because of a past mistake that crippled you so much? Are you afraid to end up like someone you knew who took too much risk? Were you told often by authority figures - parents, sibling, teachers or officers - that you don't and can't amount to anything? You've probably heard it so often that you believed it as the universal truth all the time.
Deep down you know it's not true, right? Not all risks will result into failure and you can avoid making the same mistake your friend did. Silence the inner critic in you then. You don't have to listen to past criticisms. Nor should you judge all your other abilities based on a single failure. Instead draw on your strengths and keep them in mind. Granted, it's not going to be easy. But you can take baby steps and not leap into anything that you're not ready for.
Start by cataloging your positives. Take out a sheet of paper and list the things that you know you can do. Fill it up from the whimsical - able to juggle four balls in the air, for example - to the downright great ones like a good grasp of grammar. Look back and try to remember how you learned those skills. Some of them were probably inherited or something that you learned instinctively. But the rest were skills that you got only thru experience. Therefore, you must have tried it before and found out that you can do it. That list becomes physical proof that you are someone who can do something and by the same token, can do a lot more if you can just get out of your safety zone and try something new again.
Banish those self-doubts and see how high you can fly.
Right now. I mean it.
Why are you still here?
~ Jeff ~
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
You Want to Succeed? - Get Uncomfortable!
Newsletter 1/2/08
As an Exercise Scientist and Trainer I have spent much of the last twenty-five years helping people change their body. Smaller, bigger, lighter, leaner, more muscle, more flexibility, speed, power... Athletes, non-athletes, kids, mums, dads.....whatever they were after; that's what I did my best to deliver.Early in my career I discovered that whether or not someone achieved their desired goals had very little to do with what was possible, or their genetic potential, and everything to do with their ability to deal with discomfort.They say that every decision we make in life is in an effort to avoid pain, or gain pleasure.We choose to eat the cake because we associate cake with pleasure.We choose to avoid the dentist because we associate the dentist with pain.We choose to stay in a bad relationship because we associate more pain with getting out of the relationship than staying in it.
But the reality is :
1) we don't need the cake
2) we do need the dentist and
3) we should get out of that destructive relationship.
If only we would give up the cake, look after our teeth and deal with our relationship (i.e. get uncomfortable) we would discover that the short-term pain/discomfort would make way for a whole new world of possibilities and a whole new level of growth, understanding and achievement.Some personal-power muscles.
Lesson 1. Change is usually uncomfortable.
If you want an amazing life and you're all about creating positive change, then learn to deal with, if not embrace, discomfort.Sorry Dude.Just how it is.In the science of strength training we talk about a concept called progressive resistance training or progressive overload.In simple terms, the theory is this: If you want to get stronger and continue to grow muscle (hypertrophy) you need to continually manipulate the training variables (weight, sets, reps, recovery time, technique, program design) so as to constantly and progressively 'force' your body to adapt to the ever-changing stress (all exercise is a form of stress).When we talk about changing a body, we're talking about physiological adaptation... and a body will only adapt when it has a reason to. Most people in most gyms train their body in a manner where there is no need for adaptation... that's why they typically look the same, year in, year out.Or worse.Rather than following a program or plan which is progressive in nature (causes them to get uncomfortable on a regular basis) they follow a 'maintenance program'... because it's easy and comfortable.And they love 'comfortable.'They don't want to maintain, or intend to maintain... but that's all they're doing.They will continue on their cycle of frustration and zero results until they give their body a reason to adapt or until they throw in the towel altogether.This adaptation/growth principle of exercise science can be applied to life and to our personal growth.
Lesson 2. In general, a person's ability to succeed will be largely dependant on their ability to adapt (deal with discomfort and change).
Life, relationships, careers, emotions, business markets, technologies, philosophies, environments are all in a constant state of evolution. This is part of the problem; we are creatures of habit and we like familiarity; we like 'same'.
Lesson 3. We like the benefits of change, but we don't like the process.
But it's the process, not the results, from where the real benefits come.Whether it's physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, professional, social or financial growth your after.... be prepared to get uncomfortable on a regular basis and you will dramatically improve your chances of creating your best life.By the way, the minute you make that uncomfortable decision, or do that uncomfortable thing you've been avoiding, the change process becomes instantly easier and your chances of success go through the roof ... because you got your head and heart (thinking, attitude, standards, emotions) where they need to be.And you did what you needed to do.Just like we work against resistance in the gym and we get stronger and grow muscle, those of us who work against resistance outside of the gym (problems, challenges, opposition, criticism, self doubt, insecurity, fear) get stronger and grow a different kind of muscle; emotional muscle, psychological muscle, self-control muscle, personal development muscle and spiritual muscle... and more.
Now go and get uncomfortable-and grow some muscle!!
As an Exercise Scientist and Trainer I have spent much of the last twenty-five years helping people change their body. Smaller, bigger, lighter, leaner, more muscle, more flexibility, speed, power... Athletes, non-athletes, kids, mums, dads.....whatever they were after; that's what I did my best to deliver.Early in my career I discovered that whether or not someone achieved their desired goals had very little to do with what was possible, or their genetic potential, and everything to do with their ability to deal with discomfort.They say that every decision we make in life is in an effort to avoid pain, or gain pleasure.We choose to eat the cake because we associate cake with pleasure.We choose to avoid the dentist because we associate the dentist with pain.We choose to stay in a bad relationship because we associate more pain with getting out of the relationship than staying in it.
But the reality is :
1) we don't need the cake
2) we do need the dentist and
3) we should get out of that destructive relationship.
If only we would give up the cake, look after our teeth and deal with our relationship (i.e. get uncomfortable) we would discover that the short-term pain/discomfort would make way for a whole new world of possibilities and a whole new level of growth, understanding and achievement.Some personal-power muscles.
Lesson 1. Change is usually uncomfortable.
If you want an amazing life and you're all about creating positive change, then learn to deal with, if not embrace, discomfort.Sorry Dude.Just how it is.In the science of strength training we talk about a concept called progressive resistance training or progressive overload.In simple terms, the theory is this: If you want to get stronger and continue to grow muscle (hypertrophy) you need to continually manipulate the training variables (weight, sets, reps, recovery time, technique, program design) so as to constantly and progressively 'force' your body to adapt to the ever-changing stress (all exercise is a form of stress).When we talk about changing a body, we're talking about physiological adaptation... and a body will only adapt when it has a reason to. Most people in most gyms train their body in a manner where there is no need for adaptation... that's why they typically look the same, year in, year out.Or worse.Rather than following a program or plan which is progressive in nature (causes them to get uncomfortable on a regular basis) they follow a 'maintenance program'... because it's easy and comfortable.And they love 'comfortable.'They don't want to maintain, or intend to maintain... but that's all they're doing.They will continue on their cycle of frustration and zero results until they give their body a reason to adapt or until they throw in the towel altogether.This adaptation/growth principle of exercise science can be applied to life and to our personal growth.
Lesson 2. In general, a person's ability to succeed will be largely dependant on their ability to adapt (deal with discomfort and change).
Life, relationships, careers, emotions, business markets, technologies, philosophies, environments are all in a constant state of evolution. This is part of the problem; we are creatures of habit and we like familiarity; we like 'same'.
Lesson 3. We like the benefits of change, but we don't like the process.
But it's the process, not the results, from where the real benefits come.Whether it's physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, professional, social or financial growth your after.... be prepared to get uncomfortable on a regular basis and you will dramatically improve your chances of creating your best life.By the way, the minute you make that uncomfortable decision, or do that uncomfortable thing you've been avoiding, the change process becomes instantly easier and your chances of success go through the roof ... because you got your head and heart (thinking, attitude, standards, emotions) where they need to be.And you did what you needed to do.Just like we work against resistance in the gym and we get stronger and grow muscle, those of us who work against resistance outside of the gym (problems, challenges, opposition, criticism, self doubt, insecurity, fear) get stronger and grow a different kind of muscle; emotional muscle, psychological muscle, self-control muscle, personal development muscle and spiritual muscle... and more.
Now go and get uncomfortable-and grow some muscle!!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Success is Like Riding a Bicycle
Newsletter 12/19/07
Okay, a show of hands, please!
How many of you learned to ride a bicycle as a child?
Hey, that's quite a lot of you.
Now, close your eyes and remember what it felt like to ride a bicycle for the first time. Maybe yours had training wheels that helped to balance the bike as you gained confidence riding on the sidewalk in front of your house. As your confidence expanded, and also from observing the older children in the neighborhood riding without any assistance, you then graduated to your first test without training wheels.
It was scary!
At the beginning came the wobbling of the tires and excited, hurried pedaling as you struggled to break free of your parent's or older sibling's guiding hand for balance. And, perhaps there were one or two falls along the way! However, through your determination, willpower, desire, and continued practice, you soon sped forward on your own.
As you grew in size and age, you moved up to bigger and more complex bicycles and mastered them all. Some of you even learned to ride without holding onto the handlebars or perhaps did "daredevil" tricks jumping over ramps like Evel Knievel.
And, I'll bet now that even if you haven't ridden a bicycle in years, you could still do it.
Now, let's take a look at success. For many people, success or being successful is just as scary as the first time they rode a bicycle. Naturally, many people want to be successful. However, there are few that truly have the motivation to put forward the needed effort and action and make the necessary sacrifices to get what they want.
Here are four of my success strategies. Make them part of your "quest for success."
1) Just as you did when you learned to ride a bicycle, here is only one way to accomplish anything today -- set your mind to concentrate on doing it and let nothing interfere with your progress. Obstacles, whether they be training wheels on a bike or lack of resources (money, time, lack of skill, etc.), are quickly overcome by the person who sets out to accomplish their heart's desire. Those who have the desire, "the fire in the belly" so to speak, will outdistance and outperform those who do not.
2) No matter what anyone says, "Size does matter." When you first learned to ride a bike, you were a child. As you grew to adulthood, of course, you were faced with greater and more challenging situations. On your road to success, remember this quote from my Success System book, "The Power of Concentration: How to Take Control of Your Life"...
"The 'bigger' you are, the smaller the obstacle appears. The 'smaller' you are, the greater the obstacle appears."
Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you the needed "size" and courage for the conquest -- now and in the future.
3) Do not expect that you will always have a smooth road, free of potholes, speed bumps, and detours. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. The way you navigate the bad roads shows exactly what you are made of. Keep on with your journey and view with delight the smooth roads that are in front of you.
4) Do not let a setback stop you. Just like when you skinned your knees and elbows learning to ride, think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal. Learn from it and use the lesson to move ahead.
Success IS like riding a bicycle. Learn my strategies of success outlined above, and you will ALWAYS be up to the challenge -- regardless of the size.
~ K.Shaw~
Okay, a show of hands, please!
How many of you learned to ride a bicycle as a child?
Hey, that's quite a lot of you.
Now, close your eyes and remember what it felt like to ride a bicycle for the first time. Maybe yours had training wheels that helped to balance the bike as you gained confidence riding on the sidewalk in front of your house. As your confidence expanded, and also from observing the older children in the neighborhood riding without any assistance, you then graduated to your first test without training wheels.
It was scary!
At the beginning came the wobbling of the tires and excited, hurried pedaling as you struggled to break free of your parent's or older sibling's guiding hand for balance. And, perhaps there were one or two falls along the way! However, through your determination, willpower, desire, and continued practice, you soon sped forward on your own.
As you grew in size and age, you moved up to bigger and more complex bicycles and mastered them all. Some of you even learned to ride without holding onto the handlebars or perhaps did "daredevil" tricks jumping over ramps like Evel Knievel.
And, I'll bet now that even if you haven't ridden a bicycle in years, you could still do it.
Now, let's take a look at success. For many people, success or being successful is just as scary as the first time they rode a bicycle. Naturally, many people want to be successful. However, there are few that truly have the motivation to put forward the needed effort and action and make the necessary sacrifices to get what they want.
Here are four of my success strategies. Make them part of your "quest for success."
1) Just as you did when you learned to ride a bicycle, here is only one way to accomplish anything today -- set your mind to concentrate on doing it and let nothing interfere with your progress. Obstacles, whether they be training wheels on a bike or lack of resources (money, time, lack of skill, etc.), are quickly overcome by the person who sets out to accomplish their heart's desire. Those who have the desire, "the fire in the belly" so to speak, will outdistance and outperform those who do not.
2) No matter what anyone says, "Size does matter." When you first learned to ride a bike, you were a child. As you grew to adulthood, of course, you were faced with greater and more challenging situations. On your road to success, remember this quote from my Success System book, "The Power of Concentration: How to Take Control of Your Life"...
"The 'bigger' you are, the smaller the obstacle appears. The 'smaller' you are, the greater the obstacle appears."
Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you the needed "size" and courage for the conquest -- now and in the future.
3) Do not expect that you will always have a smooth road, free of potholes, speed bumps, and detours. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. The way you navigate the bad roads shows exactly what you are made of. Keep on with your journey and view with delight the smooth roads that are in front of you.
4) Do not let a setback stop you. Just like when you skinned your knees and elbows learning to ride, think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal. Learn from it and use the lesson to move ahead.
Success IS like riding a bicycle. Learn my strategies of success outlined above, and you will ALWAYS be up to the challenge -- regardless of the size.
~ K.Shaw~
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Self-Confidence Secrets: Measure Your Success
Newsletter 12/12/07
Would you like to be confident in the things you do? Most people would. The problem is that many people aren't sure how. They think it is some mystical trait that some people seem to have and others don't. Actually, being confident in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is a skill that can be learned.
Let's say you've decided to move forward in your efforts to achieve your goals and have taken action. Congratulations for reaching this point! Along the way you will certainly experience many victories. Yet there will also be challenges. To keep yourself going, you are going to need lots of support from one very important person: Yourself! This support comes in the form of setting achievable goals, supportive self-talk, self-monitoring to acknowledge success, and plenty of rewards along the way.
Today's theme is the crucial importance of acknowledging success. To balance the scale of triumphs and challenges, the skill needed is learning to recognize and feel good about all the little steps you take each day, and the efforts you put forth toward achieving your goal. Building on every little victory acts like fuel to your confidence. Achieving any new goal isn't easy. It takes decision, hard work, effort, and dedication. But that is what this life is about - setting new goals for ourselves and accomplishing those goals. Learning to feel good along the path to something new is what makes life a grand adventure.
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert Schweitzer
WHY ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS?
For many, the journey toward reaching the overall goal is often a long road. It's frequently so full of experiences and opportunities (okay, challenges) that we often don't notice the gradual change that is occurring. We don't recognize the progress we have made. This error of self-acknowledgment can be devastating and stop us dead in our tracks.
One surefire way of putting out your own fire is to dismiss your success. Let's imagine you've been binging on food for quite a few days. Through much effort and determination, you manage to stay binge-free for three days. Following these three days, you binge again. What are you most likely to do with this situation?
* Do you count those three days as success?
* Do you dismiss those three days as proof that since they didn't last, you are not good enough to have what you want -- now falling into helplessness or hopelessness?
* Do you use those three days (and subsequent relapse) as an occasion to self-condemn and shame yourself?
* Do those three days count for anything wonderful in your book?
WHEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS
One day, I decided I wanted to increase the amount of water I was drinking each day. I thought this goal through and decided that the best way to achieve success would be to drink one bottle of water each morning as I was getting ready for my day. After a few weeks had gone by, I pondered my goal. I realized that almost every morning I had drunk one full bottle of water. Had I achieved success with my goal? How long must a goal be achieved before I could call myself successful?
Contemplating, I became aware of my own particularly nasty habit. I set goals for myself. With enough time, my goals became habits. But I had no mental criteria established for when I could call myself successful. There was no endpoint of "How do I know I've achieved my goal?" And since there was no endpoint, there was no feeling good at the end of my goal. I was running my own life story of not being good enough for myself, and having to earn my own love but never succeeding. I sat there amazed at my own self-realization. I asked, "How long must I maintain a behavior before I can call myself successful?" The answer came immediately: "The very first time the behavior is achieved, you are successful." Wow! This about blew me away. I successfully achieved my goal the first day I followed through with my intention. No wonder I never felt enough. I was completely failing to recognize, acknowledge, or celebrate my strengths, efforts, and my achievements.
Many of the people I work with also have no internal criteria established for knowing when they are successful. Oh, sure, they may say when they lose 40 pounds, then they will be successful. Or when they stop binging, then they will be happy. But what happens when they lose those 40 pounds or stop binging for several days? Success is never measured, never celebrated, never acknowledged. Eventually a few pounds creep back on or a relapse in binge behavior occurs. Wouldn't you know it? This gets acknowledged! Lots of negative self-talk, huge emotion, beastly feelings of self-reproach... now there is evidence that success cannot be achieved. Without being conscious of it, the criteria were that if the weight was maintained forever, or a binge never occurred again, then success would be achieved. The problem with this strategy? Success can't be measured until forever occurs, meaning success never occurs.
"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. Courage is what counts." - Sir Winston Churchill
SUCCESS EXERCISE
Close your eyes and relax. Think of a success you had today. Maybe it was feeling good, or deciding to drive past the fast food restaurant, or choosing to sit still while envisioning your goal, or laughing instead of feeling heavy. Maybe you overcame an urge, and even though later you didn't overcome the urge, that first "overcoming" was a success. You cannot change the fact of it or deny that it was a success.
Remember your goals. Recall your successes of the day. Remember your efforts. Get in touch with your very being. Feel your physical body. Breathe in... breathe out. Acknowledge your successes over and over again in your mind. Say to yourself, "I was truly successful. There is no denying that." Imagine the lightness of your joy is spreading all around, filling your body. It is filling your chest, spreading to your abdominal cavity reaching towards your thighs, legs, and feet. Think of a similar spread to your shoulders, arms, hand, head, neck, and face. Now your whole body is filled with radiant blissful lightness. You are calm and centered and feeling really good. Nourish your goal by looking for more successes. Bring your goal life and light through praise and intention and enthusiasm. Strengthen your goal by feeding it love. Breathe in... breathe out.
DO YOU:
1. Expect the best from yourself?
2. Understand your needs and use this information to create an environment that builds your motivation?
3. Establish standards of excellence that are attainable for yourself?
4. Create an environment where failure isn't fatal?
5. Encourage yourself or nag yourself?
6. Recognize and applaud your efforts?
7. Use a mixture of positive and negative reinforcement (acknowledge without judgment, but with honesty, your failures)?
~ Dr. Annette Colby ~
Would you like to be confident in the things you do? Most people would. The problem is that many people aren't sure how. They think it is some mystical trait that some people seem to have and others don't. Actually, being confident in yourself and your ability to achieve your goals is a skill that can be learned.
Let's say you've decided to move forward in your efforts to achieve your goals and have taken action. Congratulations for reaching this point! Along the way you will certainly experience many victories. Yet there will also be challenges. To keep yourself going, you are going to need lots of support from one very important person: Yourself! This support comes in the form of setting achievable goals, supportive self-talk, self-monitoring to acknowledge success, and plenty of rewards along the way.
Today's theme is the crucial importance of acknowledging success. To balance the scale of triumphs and challenges, the skill needed is learning to recognize and feel good about all the little steps you take each day, and the efforts you put forth toward achieving your goal. Building on every little victory acts like fuel to your confidence. Achieving any new goal isn't easy. It takes decision, hard work, effort, and dedication. But that is what this life is about - setting new goals for ourselves and accomplishing those goals. Learning to feel good along the path to something new is what makes life a grand adventure.
"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." - Albert Schweitzer
WHY ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS?
For many, the journey toward reaching the overall goal is often a long road. It's frequently so full of experiences and opportunities (okay, challenges) that we often don't notice the gradual change that is occurring. We don't recognize the progress we have made. This error of self-acknowledgment can be devastating and stop us dead in our tracks.
One surefire way of putting out your own fire is to dismiss your success. Let's imagine you've been binging on food for quite a few days. Through much effort and determination, you manage to stay binge-free for three days. Following these three days, you binge again. What are you most likely to do with this situation?
* Do you count those three days as success?
* Do you dismiss those three days as proof that since they didn't last, you are not good enough to have what you want -- now falling into helplessness or hopelessness?
* Do you use those three days (and subsequent relapse) as an occasion to self-condemn and shame yourself?
* Do those three days count for anything wonderful in your book?
WHEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE SUCCESS
One day, I decided I wanted to increase the amount of water I was drinking each day. I thought this goal through and decided that the best way to achieve success would be to drink one bottle of water each morning as I was getting ready for my day. After a few weeks had gone by, I pondered my goal. I realized that almost every morning I had drunk one full bottle of water. Had I achieved success with my goal? How long must a goal be achieved before I could call myself successful?
Contemplating, I became aware of my own particularly nasty habit. I set goals for myself. With enough time, my goals became habits. But I had no mental criteria established for when I could call myself successful. There was no endpoint of "How do I know I've achieved my goal?" And since there was no endpoint, there was no feeling good at the end of my goal. I was running my own life story of not being good enough for myself, and having to earn my own love but never succeeding. I sat there amazed at my own self-realization. I asked, "How long must I maintain a behavior before I can call myself successful?" The answer came immediately: "The very first time the behavior is achieved, you are successful." Wow! This about blew me away. I successfully achieved my goal the first day I followed through with my intention. No wonder I never felt enough. I was completely failing to recognize, acknowledge, or celebrate my strengths, efforts, and my achievements.
Many of the people I work with also have no internal criteria established for knowing when they are successful. Oh, sure, they may say when they lose 40 pounds, then they will be successful. Or when they stop binging, then they will be happy. But what happens when they lose those 40 pounds or stop binging for several days? Success is never measured, never celebrated, never acknowledged. Eventually a few pounds creep back on or a relapse in binge behavior occurs. Wouldn't you know it? This gets acknowledged! Lots of negative self-talk, huge emotion, beastly feelings of self-reproach... now there is evidence that success cannot be achieved. Without being conscious of it, the criteria were that if the weight was maintained forever, or a binge never occurred again, then success would be achieved. The problem with this strategy? Success can't be measured until forever occurs, meaning success never occurs.
"Success is never final. Failure is never fatal. Courage is what counts." - Sir Winston Churchill
SUCCESS EXERCISE
Close your eyes and relax. Think of a success you had today. Maybe it was feeling good, or deciding to drive past the fast food restaurant, or choosing to sit still while envisioning your goal, or laughing instead of feeling heavy. Maybe you overcame an urge, and even though later you didn't overcome the urge, that first "overcoming" was a success. You cannot change the fact of it or deny that it was a success.
Remember your goals. Recall your successes of the day. Remember your efforts. Get in touch with your very being. Feel your physical body. Breathe in... breathe out. Acknowledge your successes over and over again in your mind. Say to yourself, "I was truly successful. There is no denying that." Imagine the lightness of your joy is spreading all around, filling your body. It is filling your chest, spreading to your abdominal cavity reaching towards your thighs, legs, and feet. Think of a similar spread to your shoulders, arms, hand, head, neck, and face. Now your whole body is filled with radiant blissful lightness. You are calm and centered and feeling really good. Nourish your goal by looking for more successes. Bring your goal life and light through praise and intention and enthusiasm. Strengthen your goal by feeding it love. Breathe in... breathe out.
DO YOU:
1. Expect the best from yourself?
2. Understand your needs and use this information to create an environment that builds your motivation?
3. Establish standards of excellence that are attainable for yourself?
4. Create an environment where failure isn't fatal?
5. Encourage yourself or nag yourself?
6. Recognize and applaud your efforts?
7. Use a mixture of positive and negative reinforcement (acknowledge without judgment, but with honesty, your failures)?
~ Dr. Annette Colby ~
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Celebrate your Life!
Newsletter 12/5/07
My very first coach, Rachelle Disbennett-Lee has two favorite sayings, "My life is perfect and only getting better," and "Today is the best day of my life!" And she's serious about both. It's really fun to be around Rachelle because she radiates this 'best life' point of view. Whenever I try this too, I instantly feel lighter because I've shifted into a lighthearted and playful attitude.
I'm asking you to try this too. Say out loud, "This is the best day of my life!" and mean it.
See how great it feels? This simple act will raise your perception to a whole new level. From this vantage point, you'll begin to notice and celebrate all of the positive things around you, putting you in an upward spiral of constructive energy versus a downward spiral of negativity. Even if nothing earth-shattering happens, you'll be in a better mood. And this mood is attractive and appealing to others. If someone overhears you and doesn't quite get it, that's okay! You'll be having a great day, so it's worth a few questioning looks. My favorite personal saying is, "All is well in my world." Whenever I connect with this truth, I really do feel as though I'm having the best day of my life and that it's only getting better.
~ Christen ~
My very first coach, Rachelle Disbennett-Lee has two favorite sayings, "My life is perfect and only getting better," and "Today is the best day of my life!" And she's serious about both. It's really fun to be around Rachelle because she radiates this 'best life' point of view. Whenever I try this too, I instantly feel lighter because I've shifted into a lighthearted and playful attitude.
I'm asking you to try this too. Say out loud, "This is the best day of my life!" and mean it.
See how great it feels? This simple act will raise your perception to a whole new level. From this vantage point, you'll begin to notice and celebrate all of the positive things around you, putting you in an upward spiral of constructive energy versus a downward spiral of negativity. Even if nothing earth-shattering happens, you'll be in a better mood. And this mood is attractive and appealing to others. If someone overhears you and doesn't quite get it, that's okay! You'll be having a great day, so it's worth a few questioning looks. My favorite personal saying is, "All is well in my world." Whenever I connect with this truth, I really do feel as though I'm having the best day of my life and that it's only getting better.
~ Christen ~
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Clarity about Clutter
Newsletter 11/28/07
Life Improvement Tips
Clarity about Clutter
I'm an organized person -- just ask anyone who knows me. In spite of my talents at organization, clutter loomed its ugly head during our recent move. You see, I'm committed to making the most from what I have, and I can find a use for practically anything. As a result, I turned our home and my studio and office into an attractive, well-organized landfill. I'm over it.
After vigorously pruning before the move only to find that I had an additional ten boxes of books and magazines (Are you beginning to get the picture?), six more giant sacks of clothes, and six boxes of unclassifiable junk to get rid of, I saw the light. Never again am I going to collect more than I can keep attractively and accessibly in the space I already have. No more will I hold onto odd screws, outdated clothes, and books just because they could conceivably be useful to someone, somewhere, someday. If you, too, have been slowly suffocating under growing piles of indispensable clutter, it's time to take the clutter challenge.
Evaluate how true each of these statements is for you on a scale of 1 to 5. Be honest. Then choose one area in which you fall short and resolve to de-clutter there, this week, without fail.
1. Each season I discard or donate the clothing that I did not wear, whether or not it still fits and regardless of whether or not I made it myself.
2. I buy quality books in hardcover and donate them to the library when I finish them, except only books that I use in the day-to-day operation of my business or that I resort to on an ongoing basis for inspiration and delight. (Note: the test is not whether I might use them, but whether or not I DO use them.)
3. I give away, recycle, or toss anything I have not used for a year. (If I do find I want something like it in the future, I will happily borrow, rent, or buy it, knowing that in the meantime I have not had to pay to store it, clean it, or look for it.)
4. I return -- immediately -- any purchase that does not fit or function.
5. I repair anything within a week of when it breaks or stops working or I discard/donate it.
6. At the end of each year, I discard files that are more than seven years old.
7. I discard, donate, or recycle any souvenir or memento that is not framed and displayed within thirty days of acquisition.
Action tip: Get a clutter buddy and make a commitment to each other that you will put these principles to work. Make a date to go to the recycling center, the dump, and Goodwill together. Help each other say "no" to the clutter in your lives. Phone each other for support and intervention whenever you are tempted to rent a storage unit, buy new shelving or drawers, or build a shed. Bonus tip: Lose the catalogs. Recycle them immediately and write the Mail Preference Service of the Direct Marketing Association to stop future mailings. You'll prevent clutter from both the catalogs and the umpteen goodies that you don't buy because you'll never know you need them.
~ Molly Gordon ~
Life Improvement Tips
Clarity about Clutter
I'm an organized person -- just ask anyone who knows me. In spite of my talents at organization, clutter loomed its ugly head during our recent move. You see, I'm committed to making the most from what I have, and I can find a use for practically anything. As a result, I turned our home and my studio and office into an attractive, well-organized landfill. I'm over it.
After vigorously pruning before the move only to find that I had an additional ten boxes of books and magazines (Are you beginning to get the picture?), six more giant sacks of clothes, and six boxes of unclassifiable junk to get rid of, I saw the light. Never again am I going to collect more than I can keep attractively and accessibly in the space I already have. No more will I hold onto odd screws, outdated clothes, and books just because they could conceivably be useful to someone, somewhere, someday. If you, too, have been slowly suffocating under growing piles of indispensable clutter, it's time to take the clutter challenge.
Evaluate how true each of these statements is for you on a scale of 1 to 5. Be honest. Then choose one area in which you fall short and resolve to de-clutter there, this week, without fail.
1. Each season I discard or donate the clothing that I did not wear, whether or not it still fits and regardless of whether or not I made it myself.
2. I buy quality books in hardcover and donate them to the library when I finish them, except only books that I use in the day-to-day operation of my business or that I resort to on an ongoing basis for inspiration and delight. (Note: the test is not whether I might use them, but whether or not I DO use them.)
3. I give away, recycle, or toss anything I have not used for a year. (If I do find I want something like it in the future, I will happily borrow, rent, or buy it, knowing that in the meantime I have not had to pay to store it, clean it, or look for it.)
4. I return -- immediately -- any purchase that does not fit or function.
5. I repair anything within a week of when it breaks or stops working or I discard/donate it.
6. At the end of each year, I discard files that are more than seven years old.
7. I discard, donate, or recycle any souvenir or memento that is not framed and displayed within thirty days of acquisition.
Action tip: Get a clutter buddy and make a commitment to each other that you will put these principles to work. Make a date to go to the recycling center, the dump, and Goodwill together. Help each other say "no" to the clutter in your lives. Phone each other for support and intervention whenever you are tempted to rent a storage unit, buy new shelving or drawers, or build a shed. Bonus tip: Lose the catalogs. Recycle them immediately and write the Mail Preference Service of the Direct Marketing Association to stop future mailings. You'll prevent clutter from both the catalogs and the umpteen goodies that you don't buy because you'll never know you need them.
~ Molly Gordon ~
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