Finding Motivation: Or What to Do When You Don't Feel Like Doing Anything

Newsletter 11/21/07

"The measure of your success usually comes down to who wins the battle that rages between the two of you. The 'you' who wants to stop, give up, or take it easy, and the 'you' who chooses to beat back that which would stand in the way of your success -- complacency."

~ Chris Widener ~

In all my interactions with people, I've never found anyone, regardless of their level of success, who doesn't sometimes find themselves simply not wanting to do the things that they need and want to do. It is a part of human nature that there will be times that, in spite of all that we need to do, and even desire to, we will find ourselves not wanting to do anything.

And what separates those who will become successful from those who will maintain the status quo, is the ability at those very crucial moments of time when we are making decisions about what we will do, to choose to find the inner motivation that will enable us to conquer our complacency and move on in action.

I find that I confront this issue in my life on a regular basis, so the following success strategies are not merely pie in the sky techniques, but proven ways to get yourself to go even when you don't feel like doing anything.

Honestly evaluate whether or not you need a break.

This is the first thing that I usually do when I find that I don't want to get to a specific action. The fact is that oftentimes we will have been working very hard, and the lethargy we are feeling is really our body and emotions telling us that we simply need a break. And this is where it takes real intellectual honesty because when we don't need a break, our mind is still telling us we need a break! But sometimes we do need a break. I'll give you a good example. I don't particularly like to exercise, but I do almost every day. Sometimes, I find myself before going to the club thinking about how I just didn't feel like going. Most of the time I am just being lazy. However, sometimes I realize that my body needs a break. So from time to time I will take a one- or two-day break from working out. The benefits of this are two-fold: One, my body gets a break to regenerate itself. Two, after a day or two, I begin to miss my workout, and eagerly anticipate a turning to the gym. Other examples: Perhaps you are a salesman who has been phoning clients for a week straight, day and night. You wake up one morning and just don't feel like doing it any more. Well, take a break for the morning. Go to a coffee shop and read the paper. Go to the driving range and hit some golf balls. Take a break and then get back to it!

Start small.

I'm at a point in my workout schedule now where a typical workout day for me consists of 30 to 45 minutes of aerobic exercise, and about 30 minutes of weight lifting. So when I find myself not wanting to get up and go to the gym, I will sometimes make a commitment to go and just do a smaller workout. Instead of deciding not to go, I'll commit to doing 15 to 20 minutes of aerobic exercise and 15 to 30 minutes of weight lifting. This is also good for two reasons. One, I actually get some exercise that day. And two, it keeps me from getting into a cycle of giving up when I don't feel like moving toward action. Other examples: Maybe you are a writer who simply doesn't want to write today. Instead of the long day writing you had planned, decide that you will at least outline a couple of new articles. You will at least get these done, and you may have found that you put yourself into the writing mood after all.

Change your routine.

I have found that what keeps me in the best shape and burns the most calories for me is to do 30 to 45 minutes on the treadmill every day. Now let me be very blunt. I find running on the treadmill to be extremely boring. Usually I can get myself to do it, but sometimes I need to vary my routine. So instead of 30 to 45 minutes on a treadmill, I will break down my aerobic exercise routine into a number of different areas. I will do 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill, 10 to 15 minutes on the reclining cycle, 5 to 10 minutes on the rowing machine, 5 to 10 minutes on the stair stepper, and then back on to the treadmill for five to 10 minutes. I still get my exercise, but I'm bored a lot less. Other examples: Maybe you are in construction and you have been working on the plumbing for a week, and it is getting monotonous. Don't do the plumbing today! Go frame-in the office.

Reward yourself.

One way that I motivate myself to do something when I don't feel like doing it is to tell myself that if I get through the work that I need to, I will give myself a little reward. For instance, I may tell myself if I to get up and go to the club, I can take five to 10 minutes off my treadmill exercise, which will shorten my workout routine, and I'll allow myself to sit in the hot tub for a few extra minutes. Hey, it works! Other examples: Maybe you are a mortgage broker who feels like sleeping in. Tell yourself that after the next three mortgages you close, you will take your kids to the fair or your spouse to the movies. Maybe you'll give yourself a night on the town with old friends.

Reconnect the action with pleasure rather than pain.

Psychologists have long told us that we humans tend to connect every action with either pleasure or pain. Tony Robbins has popularized this even further in the last few years with something he calls Neural Associations. That is, we connect every action with either a pleasure or pain. When we are finding ourselves lacking motivation, what we are probably finding about ourselves is that we are associating the action that we are thinking about with pain, rather than pleasure. For instance, when I'm considering not going to the health club on any given day, I am usually associating going and working out with having no time, the pain of exercising and weight lifting, or the boringness of running on a treadmill for an extended period of time. What I can do to re-associate is to remind myself that by going in and doing my exercise, I will feel better about myself, I will lose weight, and I will live longer. This brings me pleasure. When we begin to run those kinds of tapes through our minds, we find our internal motivating force unleashed and changing our attitude about the action that we are considering. Other examples: Maybe you are a counselor who really doesn't want to spend the day listening to people. Your association may be that it will be boring, or that you will be inside while it is sunny outside. Instead, re-associate yourself to the truth of the matter: Someone will be better off because of your care and concern. Think of your clients and the progression they have been making recently and how you have been a part of that.

Give these ideas a try and see if you don't find yourself pushing through into action!

Adding To Your Credibility - Just Say No! (Part 2)

Newsletter 11/14/07

Last week we talked about some of the reasons that many of us have difficulty saying no, in our work or our personal life. Giving a thoughtful no when it is appropriate for you will add much more happiness and much less stress to your life. You will also be much more credible. How could you develop a filter for yourself, or your accepted standard through which to make your decisions and to give your answers? There are several things to consider when you wish to say no.

• If you want to say no, then be truthful and really say it; no explanation is necessary, and do not dilute your words by mumbling something like, "check back with me if you don't find anyone."
• Make sure your body language matches your answer.
• When you say no, be sure to visualize the good ramifications of this decision in order to support your choice. Take the time to visualize how professional you are by not overextending yourself, and make an affirmation around it, such as, "I am making the best choice possible for all those involved."

If you want to say yes, but are unsure if you will be able to devote the proper amount of time to the task or project in question, determine all the options before making your commitment.

• Determine exactly what needs to be done, how long it will take and how the activity can be broken down into manageable chunks that fit in with your schedule.
• Be definite about how you can contribute, and set boundaries around your time.
• Find out if there are others who can share the responsibility. Perhaps the task would benefit from others helping and dividing the work. Then be sure to ask for the help needed.

It is also important to think first, before you offer assistance that you may impetuously offer out of habit. Have you noticed when others offer to do something that they really cannot do, and you begin to feel as though you cannot count on them?

• Count to three before you make a spontaneous offer to help or take over a project. Think it through, estimating the time availability, and whether it would be best to not offer empty albeit well meaning promises.

How can taking the extra time to make your decision add to your peace and serenity and your professionalism and integrity? Notice of all the times you need to take a moment and think before you offer or respond.

~ Lorraine ~

Adding To Your Credibility - Just Say No! (Part 1)

Newsletter 11/7/07

A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.

~MAHATMA GANDHI~

How many times have we said "yes," and what we really needed to say was "no?" As women, we have been known to put others first and it can be a habit that is deeply ingrained. Can we make a new habit of putting ourselves first? There are many reasons that keep us saying yes to every request for our time and for our efforts. Do you think you would have less stress if you were able to think your answer through before saying yes? What are some reasons that many of us quickly agree to saying yes without thinking deeply about our choices?

First of all, we often have ourselves on auto pilot to say yes, almost like a default program on our computer that opens up whenever we turn the computer on; very often we can find ourselves saying yes every time there is a request directed at us. Being available to cheerfully assist could make us feel as though we will be better liked and we will appear as a cooperative person; an important aspect of success in our work is being a good team player. Saying yes could make us feel important, and it could also be that we love to be needed; most of us are just plain nice, but it really isn't always being nice to ourselves in the moment.

One of the ways I justify my own lack of determining what is best for me is that I know I will enjoy doing what is asked of me. I love the challenge of fitting one more activity into an already busy schedule. Unrealistically, I just have not thought it through, to realize the truth that there may not be enough hours to comfortably add another task to the mix of activities. Now I realize I have said yes too often and took on too many projects that are of my own liking. This can definitely interfere with what is best for me and my peak performance. When we know why we tend to say yes when we should say no, it is helpful to create the criteria through which we will determine the best choice for answering "yes" or "no."

I challenge you to notice the times when you are asked to do for others, or the times when we just offer to help even when we have not been asked to help. Just by becoming aware of these times, we can begin to notice when we need to stop and place some thought into choosing our action.

~ Lorraine ~

To live a dog's life.

While in the park, I saw a young girl walking her miniature dog. Something caught its eye that I couldn't see yet because shrubs blocked my view. The dog would surge forward, barking non-stop at the top of its miniature voice, and the leash would pull it back. I watched this surge/pulled-back action repeat over and over, and thought that life is sometimes like that. Then, I saw what was causing the behavior when a man came around the point with a very large dog on a leash. Whether wise or not, the little dog was fearless in the presence of the bigger dog. That little dog believed in itself. It was 100-percent into its dogness. It was authentic.

We talk about how nice it would be to live a dog's life. We mean that in terms of how dogs have their needs met and are lavished with affection, sleep when they need to, and are always ready to play. If we think about this, we could create a "dog's life" for ourselves. Emphasis on the COULD.

And we could note

that in our human lives, we aren't always so fearless about taking on challenges, no matter the size. Nor are we always as passionate about them as the little dog was.

Sometimes we surge forward and are pulled back. Are we as willing to aim to gain even a few "inches" if that's what we can do at that moment? The little dog was focused on a target and was willing to continue moving forward until it reached it.

The little dog's target may have been an inappropriate one. I don't know what its expected outcome was, but had the bigger dog been in a bad mood, the outcome might not have been a desired one. And let's not ignore that there was a
protective control factor at work here since both people monitored what was going on so they could prevent a negative result.

When we are aware of our connection to the larger consciousness and how we participate with it, know and trust that it operates on our behalf; we see it functions like the people, the caregivers, who held the leashes. When we focus on targets that are inappropriate for us and may actually create negative or unpleasant outcomes, we should appreciate the "fail-safe" that is in place. The little dog was forced to abandon its target because it was on the end of a

leash. It did not focus on the inappropriateness of straining to hit a target it shouldn't. We, however, are able to pay attention and recognize that a particular target is not the right one for us. Perhaps, it actually led us to a different target, the one we should aim at.

We can consider and choose, reassess, change our target at will, take aim, and reach it. We may recognize that aspects of a dog's life are ones we'd like to have, and as I said earlier, we COULD create for ourselves; but we also have the option to decide, mindfully, what is truly appropriate for us.

Also, consider how a dog owner must appear to the dog. We probably appear as quite powerful to them. We'd benefit if we thought of ourselves the way our pets do. And another thing we can borrow from a dog is to choose to "wag our tails"

in joy and play more often. A dog is always willing to make the most of every moment.

Life is what we make it.

~ Joyce Shafer ~

Self Care- What If It's Not About You? (Part 4)

Newsletter 10/24/07

Don't take care of yourself just for your benefit. Do it for everyone around you!

Paradoxically, it's selfish if you fail to take good care of yourself, because the burden of your emotional mood or needs may fall on someone else. Ooh, this is one of those tough truths, isn't it?

Think about it. If you don't fill your own well enough or practice smart boundaries, what's likely to happen? A bit more crankiness and no energy left for feeling "Joy to the World"? If you don't practice smart boundaries, will you be someone who blows up in traffic or get overly stressed out in a long line at the mall? Snap at your spouse for not remembering to pick up the cinnamon sticks?

This year, be a hero and practice what I call Proactive Resentment Prevention. You may also need its cousin, Proactive Exhaustion Prevention, which conveniently spells PEP.

Stay very aware of your energy and when you need to refill your well or not say "yes" to one more thing. I felt some exhaustion and resentment building during a busy, emotionally and professionally challenging week. A visiting relative was napping and my husband was starting dinner. If I wanted to win my badge for being a good girl, I'd help with dinner, right? I actually asked my husband if I might go to a movie, explaining it would be smart proactive resentment prevention. He said- Yes, Go. (Wonderful, smart man!)

In the dark theater with just me and my popcorn I breathed a sigh of delicious calm. 2 hours later, I enjoyed dinner with my family and pleasant evening, feeling more capacity to be generous and compassionate with everyone. (Because I'm learning to take responsibility for being compassionate and generous enough with myself.)

~ Marian Baker ~