Last week we talked about some of the reasons that many of us have difficulty saying no, in our work or our personal life. Giving a thoughtful no when it is appropriate for you will add much more happiness and much less stress to your life. You will also be much more credible. How could you develop a filter for yourself, or your accepted standard through which to make your decisions and to give your answers? There are several things to consider when you wish to say no.
- If you want to say no, then be truthful and really say it; no explanation is necessary, and do not dilute your words by mumbling something like, "check back with me if you don't find anyone."
- Make sure your body language matches your answer.
- When you say no, be sure to visualize the good ramifications of this decision in order to support your choice. Take the time to visualize how professional you are by not overextending yourself, and make an affirmation around it, such as, "I am making the best choice possible for all those involved."
If you want to say yes, but are unsure if you will be able to devote the proper amount of time to the task or project in question, determine all the options before making your commitment.
- Determine exactly what needs to be done, how long it will take and how the activity can be broken down into manageable chunks that fit in with your schedule.
- Be definite about how you can contribute, and set boundaries around your time.
- Find out if there are others who can share the responsibility. Perhaps the task would benefit from others helping and dividing the work. Then be sure to ask for the help needed.
It is also important to think first, before you offer assistance that you may impetuously offer out of habit. Have you noticed when others offer to do something that they really cannot do, and you begin to feel as though you cannot count on them?
- Count to three before you make a spontaneous offer to help or take over a project. Think it through, estimating the time availability, and whether it would be best to not offer empty albeit well meaning promises.
How can taking the extra time to make your decision add to your peace and serenity and your professionalism and integrity? Notice of all the times you need to take a moment and think before you offer or respond.
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